Why did the chicken cross the road?

The cat must be taking some sort of illegal substances cuz he has now decided that he doesn't want CAT food. There's either something deeply wrong with him or he is seriously fucking us about. Either way we are not happy. So he can stay out! Eventually we'll feel bad and let him back in again. Just an inevitable process, he is simply too adorable to bear any long-term grudges against.

Mrs Doolittle has taken to posting useless notes through our door, she is a nice lady but god damn she can be too much sometimes. She has her weird ways, which is why we love her. We can only assume that her finger clicking abilities have improved since we last spoke face to face. She's got a thing about swimming costumes, although she rarely visits the local pool, which is a shame because I think she'd look fetching in the red Baywatch ones she bought over ebay last month. They were by far her best purchase to date. She's also got the best vintage boots I have ever seen, but she never wears them, it's like art to her. She's recently stopped buying bottled water in an attempt to save the planet yet she insists on keeping all her lights on. Her oxymoronic nature amuses me. Special emphasis should be drawn particularly to the moron part of that word.

This is us being CHAVS - for those of you who don't know what that is LOOK IT UP!
*note from Luigi* - if you can't be bothered to look it up (which I wouldnt expect you to if you're cool), here is the best definition, courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

6. chav
Emerging British subculture which is quickly becoming an epidemic. Chavs can be found the length and breadth of the country, hanging around any junk food outlet, off licence or just hanging around the streets, where they pass the time by vandalising property, drinking cheap cider, shouting abuse at passers by and terrorising old people.

Appearance: Chavs have a strict dress code. Designer labels are everything, although knocked off/fake items are almost de-rigeur. Typically, the male chav will wear a Nickelson or Schott hooded top, baggy tracksuit trousers, white designer trainers, and a baseball cap by burberry or Nike. The female chav (chavette) will have peroxide blonde hair scrunched so tight into a pony tail with colourful scrunchies that her forehead stretches. She will wear a dark blue tracksuit with white stripes, an enormous puffa jacket, hoop earrings, and white trainers. Female chavs are forbidden from wearing socks, and all chavs must wear as much fake gold jewellery as they can fit on their bodies. Mobiles are an added status symbol, and when equipped, the chav must shout into it in the most anti-social way possible, using at least one expletive and the word "innit" per second. Every other word in between should be unrecognisable to non-chavs.

(we do not usually dress like this - I repeat we DO NOT usually dress like this)

Currently...

Hey there boys and girls, im currently researching Plato's reasons for banning poetry from his ideal-state. Should be fun.

P.S - 9 AM starts should be banned because it is impossible to get there on time. Also I only got to sleep around 2AM so it was a struggle getting up this morning.

Hope all our followers are well and eating loads of satisfying food :)

Excuse me sir, your zip's undone!

So in the style of a real doofus I closed Ana's bedroom door last night, totally forgetting that it won't open again - unless she had the key on her, so I had to wait very anxiously until she got home from uni, hoping she had the key and I wouldn't have to pay £40 to have it opened!!

Thank god she did.

PS Cecilia, our housemate, burnt some fish last night, so when me and Luigi stepped through the door it smelt like the house was on fire and it also smelt like something very vulgar - but I won't state what, cuz it is simply too early in the morning. Plus the smell lingered for most of the evening despite our best efforts to get rid of it.

Had some weird dreams last night - I dreamt I had the biggest camera you have ever seen (and therefore the best) and I was travelling the world taking all these amazing shots, but when I got home and uploaded the pics, they were all of the same thing. It was very frustrating since I had spent all that time changing location etc etc.

Also my mum told me off in one of my dreams - like it's not enough that it happens daily - I have to dream about it as well!

The origins of the word mumbo-jumbo

I found this piece of information on Answers.com:

The term Mumbo-Jumbo dates back to the early eighteenth century, when it was reported as an image used by the Mundingo tribe in Gambia, Africa, to keep women in subjection. If the men had a dispute with the women, the "Mumbo-Jumbo" image was brought to adjudicate. This image was eight or nine feet high, made from the bark of trees, with straw on the head, and dressed in a long frock coat. A man of the tribe would be hidden under the coat, and would always give a judgment in favor of the men. The women would usually run away when he was brought to them, although he had power to make them come forward or sing and dance for his pleasure.

A secret society amongst the men maintained the tradition of the Mumbo-Jumbo, and its members were sworn to secrecy. No boy under sixteen was allowed to join.

Back in Egham

So me and Luigi returned to Egham today from London to continue the final leg of our uni studies (of the second year that is) still got another year to go before we graduate and then become confused about our lives and panic and proceed with further education - Masters etc. Still can't believe how quick this year has gone, only 5 weeks til we break up - and then REVISION begins - god I hate revision. Then exams (which I think are alright, but Luigi begs to differ). Hopefully after exam shizzle is over we will have a grand house party to celebrate.....would love to have a house party now but we're all FAR too busy at the moment. Then its time to find a summer job - which is gona be extra hard cuz of the shitty economy - everyone is getting fired rather than hired. Rent is going up next year so will probably do ANY job (with obvious exceptions). Would have been nice to go on a little holiday but circumstance dictates. Also we're both very keen to get our driving licences this summer, but i'm having second thoughts about this since I found out the average costs. Will see anyway. Packing is the biggest chore ever. Gotta try and remember everything you packed in the first place. I've probably left some books in London resulting in yet more library fines. I think my card must be blocked by now. Had a minor mouse scare when the bins were discovered with various holes in them. However, findings later showed this was the work of a certain 3-legged cat called Andy. I've missed him and his strange ways. Need to do a massive Tesco online shop tonight - have no food left. Will write more posts soon - if I don't starve!

Book Quote of the Day

Currently writing about this book for one of my essays, it's entitled 'A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters' by Julian Barnes:

"His age and status induced in me the normal mixture of deference, fear and cheek. His decrepitude - the historically stained clothes, that dangle of egg-white slobber from the chin - set off in me a general adolescent anger against life and its inevitable valedictory condition: a feeling which smoothly translated itself into hatred of the person undergoing that condition. His daughter fed him on tins of baby food, which again confirmed for me the sour joke of existence"

(page 205)

Craving

So I just got a sudden craving for Chocolate cake and thought I'd tell the whole wide (blog) world.



P.S sorry folks for the lack of posts recently - both myself and Luigi are extremely worn out with writing essays for our demanding university courses and as a result we have acquired a temporary phobia of writing. We would like to stress again the non-permenant nature of this phobia and would like to reassure our ardent followers that we will be back and fighting fit in no time!

Love you all xxx

Raz and Luigi

Goat held accused of being a car thief

Published Date: 24th January 2009 (we were a little slow hearing about this)

POLICE in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery. Vigilantes took the beast to the police saying it was a thief who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest when being pursued after trying to steal a car.
"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody," said Tunde Mohammed a Kwara state police spokesman.

Source: The Scotsman, Edinburgh
http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/weirdoddandquirkystories/Goat-held-accused-of-being.4909823.jp

Morning Slags

*Updates*

Luigi has decided to travel to Gambia in order to trace her half brother - Plato. She is confident he will be there, though she has no concrete proof. I wish her all the best yet I remain doubtful. Here is a list of items that she has packed:

>Toothbrush
>Passport
>Sopranos (series 1&2)
>Some dried Brocolli
>A Mexican Flag
>Two Stamps
>An Apple Shaped Clock (as a present for her lost half-brother)
>A copy of the European Union legislations
>Some juju beads
>January's issue of Cat Fancy magazine
>A guitar
>A tub of home-made humus
>A Swedish delicacy
>A bottle of wine (to celebrate if she finds Plato)
>And a pair of hand-made sandals

She is very excited about the trip, and your words of support would mean a lot to her.
xxx


In Other News
>We recently found out that Andy, our cat, has a strong dislike for humus (this made us mournful for about 2 days!!)

DMs or not DMs

Right folks I recently purchased some Doc Martens - but the reaction I have received following this purchase has been very mixed; mostly negative from family, quite positive from friends. So what do you think about these classics?
Love Razzle

Photo of the day

Taken by Razzle whilst in Kurdistan

Shoes.

Photo of the day: (Luigi: Russell Square, London)

Today’s news stories:

- Sergeant Pepper’s credit card has been refused AGAIN. However he is denying the matter to improve staff morale.
- Broccoli has been rumoured to contain traces of peanut juice after having caused several attacks on nut allergy-sufferers in Taiwan.
- Environmental protestors in central London have been told to “shove off” by Gordon Brown after accidentally tying themselves to Gordon’s wife in an attempt to separate the couple on Valentine’s Day. It is believed the protestors used duct tape and animalistic rituals.
- Miss Marple has failed to solve any crimes recently so has been made temporarily redundant. In the meantime she is working in Shoezone, although she is apparently of little use.

Our Photo Of The Day

I (Razzle) took this one aboard The London Eye

Greg & Susie

Greg went to Susie's house today instead of vice versa - they wanted to keep things interesting. He was disappointed to find Susie's house was a dump. He had never felt sorry for the homeless, but his inclination to do so now was greater than ever. Before setting off to Susie's, Greg finished off a lousy portion of Lasagne which had been lying in his kitchen for about 2 weeks - as if he had expected the pasta-based dish to show itself to the bin.
Susie wasn't shocked to see Greg. She was never shocked. And Greg had tried. Greg had tried everything. On this occasion, however, Greg was not prepared to try - scientific experiments were meant for labs, and skips just wouldn't cut it. But Greg didn't seem too hacked off, because Greg thought about things on the way. Important stuff. Greg was important. Susie thought so. Their experiments had so far lasted a month yet their findings remained non-existent. Susie provided the equipment, which as Greg found out today, had been coming from a Surrey rubbish dump - they were essential no doubt, but she certainly wasn't the brains. Cut to Greg doing his Thang! Susie would often remark when Greg was in deep scientific meditation - she liked saying that, and Greg didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise.

HELP NEEDED: UPLOADING VIDEOS

Dear all,

We are experiencing some difficulty in uploading videos; they never seem to finish uploading (even after 2 hours, something's wrong here...) and we need your help to sort this out!! They are in the correct format and aren't more than 100MB so what is the problem?!

We appreciate advice!

Luigi and Raz x
p.s. this is important in improving the content of our blog. Wouldn't you like to know what we were laughing at....?

who told you?

So me and Luigi headed down to the farm today to finally try and settle matters with those hard-headed chickens (all of whom up until this point refused to participate in our project) however, when we got there we were shocked and sickened to find that none was to be seen of these flightless creatures. We could not figure out where they could have possibly ventured to, but then it hit us, it was Ladies Night. This, in chicken world, meant going downtown and throwing as many eggs at people as they could lay. This may sound fun if you are of the chicken breed, but let me tell you this does not prove poplular with the human folk. So we returned home without any further negotiations with these party-animals, and have decided to postpone the meeting to a later, more appropriate date. Will keep you posted.

Review: Bunsen Burner

Hello there fellow sailors!
Today's review is based on the good old traditional bunsen burner. Since neither me nor Luigi has one of these things, we will just have to go on what we know already about these beauties and also our experiences with them during secondary school. That is not to say this review will prove inadeqaute in any shape. In fact, we are so committed to creating a reliable and worthy review that we fabricated our own version of the bunsen burner out of Kate's old socks and a few spare slugs lying around the kitchen, and used tissue paper for the flames which are the best bit. If only there was a way of capturing the beauty of our model, but cameras arent invented yet obviously. So the bunsen burner has its advantages; gas is converted into heat quickly and conveniently, allowing us to heat liquids and such, and there are 3 types of FIRE when you position the air hole. We have the naked flame, most visible but least hot, the middle one which is sort of in between in terms of visibility and temperature, then the other flame --the blue one-- one which is barely visible and hot as a bitch on speed. (be careful of that one chaps, i almost set the lab alight in a frenzy of surprise/ excitement/ shock/ wonder/ fear/ amazement/ juniper)

The downsides are as follows: There are so many parts required in order for the burner to function properly, and if assembled incorrectly all hell will break freedom. Mr Johnson's chemisty class was just never the same. If you dont have a mesh gauze thing you WILL DIE. You also probably need goggles because the flame is so bright and you can become blind, and not just any sunnies will do guys, we mean proper safety lab goggles because they prevent the flames from seeping round the corner of your glasses frame and into your cornea. Safety mats are very expensive we found, and mamma's table mats just dont cut it when fire's involved. Sorry guys.

So there you go, we hope you found this review useful, and think twice before you buy a bunsen burner because it comes with a LOT of baggage. TK Maxx do some nice carrier cases though for those of you considering to invest in one.

Until next time, Luigi and Raz

Review: Heinz Baked Beans

In front of me sits a small tin with turquoise, black and gold wrapping displaying the words “Heinz est. 1869 Baked Beans with tomato sauce. 57 varieties.” I am already impressed, not only by the longevity of the company but their ability to create so many different versions of the baked bean. Don’t be daunted by the history of this brand though, as Heinz have proved a successful household name for both rich and poor, although some favour economy or value brands because of the price difference. But the proof is in the rice pudding! I microwave the tin but soon realise I have to begin again because I forgot to open the tin, and my microwave is on the floor. I pop out to my friend Michael Barrymore’s to borrow his which unfortunately stank of chilli chowder, but nonetheless I start the heating process once over. I find that it is easier to heat them over the hob, so I adopt this method instead, with much success!! Barrymore drops in for a whole tin of Heinz, and we discuss our feelings on the fibre-filled food.

To my surprise they tasted nothing like beans at all - I felt cheated and bruised. I quickly remembered Bruce Forsythe's warning when I met him after Strictly Come Dancing "don't trust them, they're deceiving" - at the time I thought Bruce had gone mad, but now I realise he was talking about Heinz Baked Beans. Good old prudent Bruce.

Walking on ice advice

If you're facing an icy walk to work today, remember the Boston Globe's advice: waddle like a penguin.

**Update**Raz and Luigi tried this technique and our findings were generally positive; guys this is fun AND safe. There's no point jeopardizing health for normality. Interestingly London was full of people adopting this method on their way to work, and it wasn't just the obese either

so who are we?

Luigi = born in bread (in Malaysia) to rich King. Deported due to unusual hue of the face and sent to aristocratic family but led life of peasant. Met John Travolta, gained weight through chicken consumption. Was sent to Memphis under the pseudonym 'Melino' to work in agriculture. Went off rails, turned to crime to finance drug addiction, which is when she met Kate Brook (hardcore environmentalist who danced for world peace). Managed to kick drug habit with help of MrPig. Worked in Subway as undercover cop, and was discovered by French professor, who she later married.

Razzle = strange looking child born in the city of Garbuncles. She had 2 siblings named Carbon Acid and Carbon Tom who she did not get along with due to their taste differences in fish. Her mother and father had a love for garage cleaning but frequently disagreed on who loved this art form the most. She found their arguments tedious and repetitive yet they formed the backbone of her childhood memories. In 1873 she decided to leave home at age of 42 but was stopped by father who locked the front door. He had a knack for locking doors. She tried again in the morning, and was successful.

Our trip to South Mars has been cancelled

.....due to excessive snow.

Andy, our 3 legged cat

So we have this cat who has a missing leg - some call him the 'Peg-Leg', but we don't because in this day and age that's discrimination. He's ginger and very affectionate and we like to have him round the house, mainly because he gives our housemate Cecilia peace of mind. Here are some pictures of the gorgeous kitty who, despite his missing leg, has no hard feelings and proves to be the most adorable and loving creature to have graced our student house.

London CHINATOWN!

Here are some of the pictures taken from the Chinese New Year celebrations in Chinatown. I'm sure you'll all agree they appear rather splendid. The apple never falls far from the grapevine tree:

Lots of love from Luigi (and Raz in spirit) xxx

Pressing issues

Kate would like to air her opinions on a number of pressing issues. Firstly, she feels it ought to be made public that Luigi is secretly a farmer's daughter who knows how to milk a cow and makes very nice jams and preserves. Kate feels Luigi should stop feeling ashamed and visit www.youngfarmers.com for support and guidance. Secondly, Kate has some interesting claims to fame which she feels could be of interest to the media. Her father was once nearly run over by a minor celebrity, and her boyfriend's grandfather invented the folding laundry airer. Anyone wishing to learn more or do an interview should contact her via this blog. Last point: Raz is allergic to Andy, which is a great shame. Unfortunately, Kate suspects that Raz herself is not aware of this sad fact yet, but will of course be there for her when she does.

getting the train to South Mars

Me and Luigi are planning to travel to South Mars tomorrow to rectify some accounting errors concerning Kate's slippers. They were down as £100.50, which is clearly a mistake.

The day we sunk the moon

Today Raz and I had an unexpectedly fortunate day: we sunk the moon. This was most unexpected because the moon was nowhere near either of us at the time, however it turned out that this distance was key in the sinking of the planet, because the Coca Cola we consumed at that exact time balanced out the equator and left a black hole in the centre of the universe. Unfortunately these disproportions caused a wave in the atmosphere and almost all the planets except Mercury bobbed up and down a bit, ultimately causing a rift between the sun and the moon which, being at the bottom of the food chain, eventually faltered and fell to his death. We apologise for any discomfort experienced and can only blame the coke we consumed, although it was only because of the Calpol that you guys all survived the tremors, so...thanks.

Chinese Neu Jahre

In celebration of the Chinese New Year Raz and I will be going to London (Leicester Sq, Chinatown etc) to watch the festivities and displays. I believe fireworks will follow this event. Updates and photos will be posted TONIGHT! p.s. if you have any song requests....