uh that's not the point

Stupid questions = interesting answers, mostly.

So Raz and I were supposed to be directing guests' vehicles to various car parks across the campus during our uni's Graduation Week. These guests were predominantly parents and grandparents of the graduates, so a serious crowd.

What we ended up doing was asking these guests whether they'd already seen Bruno (the film) yet, instead of telling them where to park.

Here are some of the responses Luigi got to "have you seen Bruno?":

1) Elderly Chinese grandfather in broken English: "uh, sorry, uhh no, not Bruno, who is Bruno?" and middle aged Chinese guy in passenger seat says triumphantly: "no....but I have the Borat ringtone!"

2) Typical, middle class English family: [looking frustrated and confused] "What? Look where can we park please?"

3) Random female member of staff: "WHO?"

4) Middle aged father: "I haven't, no. But wait my daughter has!" [daughter and mother nod enthusiastically]

5) And our boss, Richard, completely dismissed the question.

We want to know if YOU have seen Bruno yet (or if you're planning to), and if so did you liiiiiiiiike it?

So I ran......

So I ran and ran and ran until I could run no more, and when I finally came to a halt I could smell the sea, the sun, the tigers and their cubs all at once. I took it in but then I exhaled and vowed to never inhale again. This was it. I wanted nothing more to do with Oxygen. My thoughts ran weak, and I could tell from the way the sky sneered that it was all coming to a miserable end. An end that was more photogenic than I could have imagined. It was beautiful in a very vicious way. A calm yet chaotic demise with no witnesses but pure thought. What was I to do? Take a picture? Write a note? What difference does it make? It will all be lost and forgotten. And yet a part of me wanted to document this tragedy for whatever reason the hindsight of death may offer. Just incase. You know. Just in case.

empty threats?

This is what Raz said she would do to ME if I didn't contribute something to the blog:

The Watermelon Kid

All jokes aside

Since Bob's your uncle, I have reached the end of my tether and have therefore decided to give him a piece of my mind. But since a picture is worth a thousand words I shall show him this instead. He will then turn into a pot and start calling the kettle black. No worries though cuz I have a few tricks up my sleeve and lord knows it will start raining cats and dogs before I'm done with that sheep in wolf's clothing. Yet I will not compromise my dignity for I have bigger fish to fry and I think it will be best if he just hit the sack.

In a lazy mood

so here is a video featuring Jacko and my wacko family.

http://vimeo.com/5348092

The last few days in pictures

Me and sis met up in Trafalgar Square.
Loads of peope had drawn their flags on the pavement.
Sadly there was no chalk left for us to draw the Kurdish flag.









Then me and Ana went to see The Hangover. After the film, we just chilled out near the fountains in Trafalgar Square.

Yesterday I met Rebecca in Oxford St for a drink. I bought this Jumper from American Apparel which I'm in love with. Rebecca hates American Apparel though. She has yet to see the light. I also bought JELLY BEANS from Hamleys. Love jelly beans. I applied for a job there as well cuz all you do is demonstrate cool toys to kids. How fun is that. Seriously best job ever.

Here is a Rhyme.

Donnie is in Dover
eating all the clover,
Susie is in class
looking at Mike's ass,
Sarah is out shopping
for her pizza topping,
Harry is doing sit-ups
before signing his pre-nups,
Laura is missing
but no one here is looking,
Courtney is talking gibberish
and her breath smells like liquorice,
I am here writing
so don't you be hating!

British Mode

7 phrases/ events that have shaped my life (my week)

1) Monday = sports science: I met a fine chap who told me he studied sports science. This prompted me to consider and appreciate that not all people who study sports are stupid if there’s some science involved. But alas this guy was stupid anyway so my original theory was proved, in him at least.
2) Tuesday = BBQ: I went to my friends’ one and ended up eating macaroni cheese. That’s democracy for you.
3) Wednesday = volunteering choices: I opted out of bathing old people and chose secretarial stuff instead, although I have a hunch that I may come to regret this in later life.
4) Thursday = BNP: THAT racist party. Yes, the ones who liken rape to force feeding a woman chocolate cake (it’s wrong but they like it anyway) and vehemently deny the Holocaust ever happened. (for all the non-UK readers, unfortunately I’m not making this up, the BNP does actually exist: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=8644741474&ref=nf) They somehow managed to secure two seats in the European parliament, I am truly disgusted by the Brits who voted them in.
5) Friday = chocolate éclairs: I ate 6 that day, so the effect probably did shape me literally in the rotund sense
6) Saturday = drunk man: at about 1pm I spotted a drunk Scot stumbling around Portobello market, he asked for my name and I nearly took a photo but after considering the possibly unpleasant/ violent consequences, decided against the idea
7) Sunday = shisha: made plans with an old friend and agreed to let him take me to a shisha bar sometime next week, I am full of anticipation. Also I hope I don’t die from strange substance inhalation, will update you laterino

Next time I'll post a photo of Razzy and myself dressed as Russian Babushkas.

Love, as always, from Luigi x

No luck yet

I am seriously getting pissed off, cuz it seems as though no one is willing to give me a job. All I want is some summer work experience, damnit! Anywho I will remain hopeful, as hopeful as one can remain in these times. But fuck that. I want a job and I want it now. YOU HEAR ME? Course you don't. And to make matters worse, there is no sun. It's gone and it's been replaced by miserable droplets of acid rain. This town is a joke.

On the edge of bordeom

Photo of the day

Cat - Dog Dialogue

The Dog : Carpe Diem my friend.

The Cat : Fuck off!

Photo of the day

Leaving Egm for LDN

So this is kinda mine and Luigi's last time properly living at 64 Beechtree....we'll be back for visits and to move the rest of the stuff out in a few months but apart from that THIS IS IT! So wow, we've had some good memories at this place, even if we were critical of it at times. Most of all I think we'll miss Andy. It is gona be a definite struggle when we move into our new house and there is no Andy to sroke. It will be a period of mourning. Having said that, we are all very excited about next year. We like our new house and our new garden is far superior to the one we have now. So to celebrate we shall be having loads of bbq's. And now I shall proceed with my packing......ahhh ALAS.

News...

Following a visit from the cat burglar, residents at Beechtree Avenue have now taken extra precautions to hide their purses and their cats. The break-in took place on Sunday and was said to have been the most news-worthy story in the area for over a century. One local man described the incident as "absolutely spectacular" when asked to expand, he simply said "yes". Most of the inhabitants are old and are therefore hard of hearing, hence explaining their nonsensical answers. Police declared today that the suspect is of Caucasian influence however it being an entirely White town, this information has now been dismissed as useless.

This is you looking at me.

I must have passed out.

You have one new message.

Let this be a lesson to you.

I can't find my ticket.

I use Baby Johnson.

Ewwww mould.

When is your birthday?

It's only £3.50.

She is blatantly gonna win.

Wanna play a card game.

I finished series one.

Sausage and Mash.

Just adding to my postcard collection.

What's the time?

I was not ready for this weather.

Coca-Cola.

Last bus was at 18.30.

Me and Kurt.

Is there some sorta exercise for bladder strength?

Grease stains on wood.

Lets talk.

TV Juice

Hey Y'all,

So this 3-legged creature that me and Luigi always go on about - the one who is inappropriately named Andy = the ginger cat. Well he ended up on the roof somehow and here is the footage.

P.S hope everyone's summer is going well thus far :D

So the apple said to the caterpillar

sheesh y'all

I have noticed that We Don't Play Guitars has been lacking in blog posts nowadays....mainly due to exam priorities. And my God, isn't revision just the dullest thing? Yes, yes it is. Now onto more significant, and some might say, more interesting matters......the weekly shopping. This is where a group of housemates take turns on the computer and browse Tesco Online for food that they might need that week. It might be a loaf of bread or it might be some oven chips....but one thing is for sure - they will forget some items. Now this week I forgot quite a lot of items which resulted in me having to purchase them on the night we went out to a local bar. Now, I know what you're all thinking - dirty, pervy thoughts - but that's beside the point. Anyways so I had to buy a whole lotta stuff and carry it around with me in an unglamorous plastic bag......certainly not fit for a bar. Luckily our housemate Cecilia was carrying a big bag that night so she helped to lighten the burden a bit. I know you're all dying to know so here's what I had forgotten:

-Cheese (Cheddar)
-Cheese strings
-Shampoo & Conditioner
-Deodorant
-and some bin bags (which was more of a house issue)

Our time at the bar, named the Slug and Lettuce, was highly enjoyable. We sat outside by the riverside for the first half of the evening - which was frequently interrupted by a group of people on a boat who took turns pushing each other overboard, which at first was slightly entertaining but then just got annoying. Oh and I was also coaxed into acting out various facial expressions according to what my housemates shouted out....and thus resulted in a series of embarrassing photos on my camera. These shots, however funny or hilarious will not be published for the sake of those involved. All in all it was a good night but to be honest with y'all I should really be revising right now and not reminiscing......

Peace x

You've got to go steal a ham

So everyone has been reunited at Beechtree as of yesterday, and we're all working real hard on various projects relative to our degrees. Raz is examining insects' genitalia, Ana is working on her Hitchcock essay, Kate's watching a French film and C is....well she's doing God knows what, but we trust her. I have hiccups at present which is ever so frustrating, and I'm trying to revise some awful literature whilst writing about Spain. Andy is downstairs but is shedding fur faster than Raz devours a jar of olives, we're kinda reluctant to touch him. Raz had a hairbrain idea to 'wax' him using selotape to stop this problem but this failed and Andy got a bit annoyed...so we're all at a loss.

EXAMS start for us this week, Raz's start tomorrow (mwahaha) and I start on Fri but I have double the exams she does so according to Einstein's theory............I think we're even. Raz needs AAA batteries for her electronic dictionary btw, so if you have any they'd be greatly appreciated.

In other news Swine Flu is on the increase so Raz is warning the house not to buy bacon. Some of us did anyway but we can assure you it did not come from Mexico. Why is Danish bacon so special??? Does anyone know if cats can contract the disease?????

I have nothing else of interest to say today as my inspiration has been drained. I'd like some of you to pester Raz to write the next entry because...it's been a while since we've heard her words of wisdom! I'm beginning to question her commitment to the project, might have to change the blog to 'Luigi don't play guitars' unless she gets her ass out the dustbin and writes something GOOD!

Luigi x

There's a party in my belly button

Now Raz and myself may tend to exaggerate for dramatic effect, but here are some home truths (they are the truth) about us which you probably do not know.

Number a) neither of us can drive, if we were to drive I'd be in an eco friendly hybrid car and Raz would probably be in a cool retro car of the last Millenium or a gaz-guzzling Land Rover
b) we are both second year students at uni but neither of us know fo sho what we want to do 'when we grow up'...
c) neither of us drink coffee because we both get headaches of the painful variety
d) neither of us are actually FROM north London, but we've lived there longtym
e) we both like photography but we have very different styles. (Maybe we should upload more of our stuff?)
f) we kind of fit into the Howard/Vince complex (for those of you who don't know these guys, check out The Mighty Boosh on YouTube) Howard = me, Vince = Raz (to a certain extent)
g) we like Twitter
h) we're both really into politics and have a strong inexplicable attraction to Gordon Brown
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok there's one lie in there but which is it??

Peace out, and in the words of Benjamin Franklin, GOOD DAY SIRS

Luigi and Raz xxx

So much for that inspiring article

Dear everybody,
Following Sir_Almo's self-publicising (ahaha) on Twitter I decided to take note and promote this really cool London band. So, if you do one thing today, DON'T donate to LiveAid and DON'T sponsor a donkey, listen to Bloc Party. Btw these guys have been my favourite band for +5years so think twice before you criticise them.......not that you'll find reason to criticise them. Just don't listen to Raz on this one, she has the flu so her judgement has been temporarily corrupted. So yeah, check them out below!!!
Lots of love from Luigi xxx
P.S let's all wish Raz a speedy recovery :)

Twitter

Hi folks,

Me and Luigi have recently been engulfed by the Twitter bug so check us out if you are on there....just show some support God Damnit. Here are our carefully chosen alias ID's - it's TheRazz for moi and Luigles for guess who. And if you are disgusted by this shameless advertising, so you should be.

Love you's
xxx

Your ass is on FIRE! (RE: letter to my friend)

Dear Luigi,
I understand that times are difficult - Obama is stuck up a tree and Gordon Brown thinks he's a vampire - but that is no reason for you to make rash decisions such as that you have mentioned in your carefully crafted letter. I fear my life will go strange and awful places if you truly decide to become a nun. Nevertheless, I believe that the Sun has spoken in bright rays of nuggets of warm knowledge, and in the words of Elton John "DON'T RUIN MY TROUSERS" I beg you to reconsider. Having said that, deep down inside I believe this decision will be good for the both of us and so do my dogs. Listening to the birds tweet on a Tuesday morning is not a pretty sight but by God i've learnt to live with it, and maybe I'll learn to live with this. Bruce Forsythe sends his love, and has vowed to replace you as my lover from now on. I kindly reject this offer taking into account his clown feet and his big, pervy ancient binoculars. The time has come for me to wrap this up so I'll sign off with the precious philosophy of Elton John "Don't hurt those you love by making stupid decisions that don't even make sense yeh you stupid piece-a-shit, you lousy so and so"

Love Razzle

Mercury's in Retrograde (a letter to my friend)

Dear Raz,

I don't really know how to tell you this, I’m joining the Convent. I think I realised it when you smacked my ass at the Elton John concert and I saw you hit on the Catholic priest. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I never will forget that night and I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Greetings to your frog Leonard,

Luigi x

the problem with onions.....and some delicious facts

they make me cry, they give me smelly breath, they isolate me from others, they think they are better than garlic, they do not have any sympathy, they can cause damage to the cornea, they mock your sensitivity, they exasperate lions.

Some facts about onions:
-In ancient Greece athletes ate lots of onions to lighten the balance of the blood
-During the Middle Ages, physcicians prescribed onions to alleviate headaches, snakebites and even hair loss
-onions were so important to Europeans that they used them as currency in the Middle Ages to pay for essentials such as rent. They were even given as gifts.

(by the way guys I am not talking gibberish, I found this info on a crop sheet about onions)

Acceptable in the 80's

A list of things that happened or were acceptable in the 80's:

- shoulder pads
- leg warmers
- plastic bags
- aerosol sprays
- clashing colours
- big, frizzy hair (I still carry this trend due to my Kurdish genes)
- slapping people every second friday of the month
- WHAM!
- jelly drinks (still available in our college shop)
- swearing at kids
- abusing colour
- Mohican
- Brylcreem
- MJ gloves
- the moonwalk
- homosexuality was considered a disease
- people used to think Car Wash's were a fun ride
- the hip-hop scene evolved
- me and Luigi were born to the delight of our blog followers
- doing the box in the club
- bandanas
- leotards
- Rubix cube
- David Bowie make-up
- using brocolli as an item of clothing
- Freddie Mercury moustache
- poop bags
- slapping other people's kids
- smashing plates
- peeping on your neighbours through a discreet hole in the wall
- sheep shagging
- men wearing tight short-shorts
- the colour orange

this list is welcome to suggestions :)

This aint't right

Listen, people if you're cool then you'll do the right thing and vote for me - Raz. I shall not be bribing anyone like Luigi since this is not cool. To conclude, I think you're all pretty cool for not giving a f*ck!

We hope all our followers are happy and if we could we would hug the shits out of you cuz your all such beautiful people, we love you all very much. Mwah Mwah Mwah

Shocky Rocky Horror

GUYS!! Come on, I'm not impressed with the poll result so far, the ONLY vote has gone to Raz, although I'm convinced she paid Bob's your uncle to vote for her. Sort it out. Everyone knows any girl pretending to be a guy called Luigi is worth something in the cool stakes!

Free pizzas to all who vote. (for me of course)

Luigi xxx

p.s. I thought you should all know, I set this as my profile picture on Facebook and it caused quite a stir....

An improvement, no?

Tales of Uranus

Good day to you! We appreciate that we have been crap at blogging recently and need to update you guys with our life happenings more often. So here we go. (This is Luigi by the by)

I skipped a German lecture on Brecht today and slept instead. I think Raz is still asleep downstairs (at 1pm). It’s sunny in England!! Spring is here I think, yesterday I had a picnic with a friend and did no work, good times. Raz and the rest of the house went to Richmond (gorgeous place just inside London, a bit posh) for a meal and drinks last night, I have yet to hear how it went, but I think they had a blast. From the past.

We entered some photos into an exhibition at our university (fire and water), the results are tomorrow, we hope we win something, even if it’s just some smoke and dry ice. We will post some of our submitted photos tomorrow. They are quite spectacular if you like Mother Nature and simple things.

Andy has been on a bite fest recently, attacking the locals and biting my housemates (he didn’t bite me though, go figure) and we have concluded that this is because either a) he needs attention or b) because he’s hungry and only the taste of human flesh satisfies him these days. I hope it’s the latter.

Both Raz and I have received quite a bit of unwanted attention from 2 males recently, I am suffering because my guy does the same course as me and I can’t ever seem to get away from him. He has been refused but remains hopeful. Raz’s guy is perhaps even more keen as all he did was rub some facemask on her hand before he was convinced it was love and now is persistently emailing her. After many obvious hints these guys still don’t seem to get the message, does anyone have any suggestions of how we can rid them FOR GOOD??

In other news, George Michael is set to play Maria in The Sound of Music this term for 6 weeks. Tickets on sale now. Raz has turned into a pretentious artiste, but I have a feeling this is just a phase.

Last week it was Lager Lout

Love Luigi and Raz xxx