feel the love!

Well hello there.

Raz is away for a few days so I’m responsible for the blog until she gets back. I know, major responsibility, lets hope I can cope. Anyway I was reading The Times yesterday and came across the poor old dating column thing (lonely hearts is it?) and no, before you start feeling sympathetic, this isn’t leading to a confession that I was searching for a potential lover. I was amusing myself with the odd and slightly pitiable things people had written, my favourite being ‘well-trained, tall, attractive Libran looking for new Kennel. House trained and affectionate. Good coat and teeth, worth rescuing. 1950s model, Norfolk’, although I’m not sure whether it’s witty or just plain stupid. And so, because it’s free to place an ad (and because I thought it would be really quite funny) I decided I’d submit my own which goes something like this:

‘I like big butts on my ideal guys! Obese mama, 42, likes eating out, take away or even drive thru if that’s what you’re into. Seeks man with similar curves. If your BMI is 27+ call me now. Ldn/ Herts”

Now we wait for the people at The Times to publish this heart-wrenching plea for love.

Others I’d considered include:

‘Mr Muscle, bathroom cleaner and general do-gooder. Once I rescued a cat for Mrs Mc Ginty and won ‘most likely to rescue a cat’, in that order. I am in between jobs but on the plus side my mother's on her death bed. Helllllo inheritance. I’m 33 and weigh 109 pounds. S. Wales’ ....or ‘Jeckyll or Hyde? You decide. I am a kind hearted 47 year old male interested in gardening and volunteering. Sometimes I kill mice and sacrifice them to the devil but this is occasional. If you want a selfless, kind, split personality, wife beating, musical partner, I’m your guy!! Don’t f***ing call me on this number, many thanks. Glasgow.’

I would.